I need to find some self worth and improve on myself before I expect someone to think I’m worth anything. Love, loyalty and respect feel foreign to me and people who show any of that to me I try to push away. Pushing people away is a habit of mine too because I wanna see if they’ll push back to try and stay. People leave my life.. I wanna make sure people will stay no matter how hard I push. This is why being alone is what I’m good at. Relationships are too complicated for me.. It’s like I know what they should be like but idk how to turn the actual relationship into what I know it should be.